4/29/22: After Inpatient Check[-In]
There was no point in coming here.  There is no point in being here—at inpatient, or otherwise.  I will still have no money, haunting trauma, face the eviction, no real full income/job ahead of me, a collapsing cognition in my brain, [and] 4K in unpaid student loans & taxes, [author’s note: there is a gap in the paper here, because I wanted to leave space for all the other problems I could list.  The ones already named were all I could think of though] when I get discharged.  So this is a waste of time that will not fix the external factors dooming me to an awful life of suffering & torture.  I’ll just be in my happy bubble for a bit, and when the bubble pops, I’ll be back to drowning in the depths of this hopeless world.  <i>Nobody</i> will help me with that shit, because nobody cares.  Just prolonging my inevitable demise.  Kill me
I can’t hope for a future that won’t exist.  I should have ended it so I could stop suffering.  Now I will suffer on.  What a shitty life.